Opening The Door

Thinking of the great wide open, my mind goes to desolate places; deserts, glaciers, savannah, barrenness. A no man’s land of sorts…something to be scarred off, something that can’t be understood or known, and it is where the manipulation of fear becomes ever present. Standing at the gates to this unknown place…fear, loathing, hatred prevail. The divisions seem greater than the commonalities.

My brother is not very different from my other brothers. Black, white, indian, rich, poor, middle class…it is as if we all stand together asking questions. What do we do now?…abject, consumer capitalism is dead. One war is over!

The money is gone, the wealth, the property, the possessions have all become so fleeting. It is all so immaterial in the grand scheme of fates course. Civilization transforms itself every so often. The Roman’s made no effort to keep the values, morals, and ethics of the societies it conquered. It instead took the good ideas, left the bad behind, and created a global empire because they could! It is the power of the masses that create wealth to benefit all.

Textbooks call these revolutions without realizing that it is the victorious revolutionaries that write those histories. It was true for the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the British, and America; now…decisions are being made today, as “We Turn the Page”. Our problems are so much bigger, far more global, and far more fluid than those of our ancestors. It is a heavy burden to fathom.

For too long, we have all been sitting around being bored, clueless and without leadership. A ship is only as good as where it is steered and without a captain even the mightiest of warships bobs in the water. For the first 8 years of this century the mightiest vessel of all floated without a Captain at the helm. Leadership consisted of lies, diversions, media exploitation, and abuses of the social contract that should be considered criminal.

I was scarred when the first planes struck the Tower’s in New York on that fateful, unmentionable day almost 10 years ago. A momentary fear tricked us in to signing away all our rights under the premise of our own safety. The Patriot Act be damned…citizens should never let their government act in response to fear. As history has shown, this mix enables the stupid, fearful, and dishonest to distract and rob society for all it’s worth.

Fellow American’s we were robbed, lied to, and stolen from; wall street, the banks, the unions, mortgage brokers, all of them…every group that had its hand in the pie, wanted and got more. Then the bubble burst! The shook set in as everyone was laid off, unemployed or underemployed. It was now impossible to define ourselves by the only measure of success we had ever known…my job, my income, my possessions. They all deteriorated, broke, or disappeared without income of any source to replace these items. Mass social depression set in

Yet we have all found hope again.

In the last few years, we have learned how to have fun again without consumerism. To be free, to be alive, and to do things differently than how we were always taught. It is a structure rooted in creativity, idealism, and action.

This system does not have the hierarchal structure, management principles or organizational aspects that banks, wall street, and government demand. Instead it is purely mobile, exportable and spreads like wild fire. Physical location has become secondary.

The cash in my wallet is what I have. No backup, no emergency, just a little cash…my creativity…and a work ethic that says I will turn my own cash into more cash. For the first time in my life the American Dollar was worth something! The American Dream was once again real. It was a glorious feeling.

America is the fallen empire…yet, still has the potential to lead the world, if, as a society, we can pull our ‘proverbial’ shit together. Do we leave it to computers to place us in a pre-determined career path or do we utilize and harness our interpersonal, human connections to build commerce based on relationships, commitment, ethics, and morals? I have chosen the later.

The change began in 2008 when for the first time our nation’s history…our society was faced with a very stark, very real and very different choice. Did we elect an old white man, a woman, or a black man to the office of President of the United States? In a blatant affront to over 225 years of American history, the American consciousness, and American ideals rooted in discrimination, hatred and fear…our country did the impossible. It elected a black man to hold the office of President.

This small act made us all equal. The playing field was leveled and whatever had become before was now part of history. It was a fresh start! Yet…painful, we all knew that change is hard…our current president campaigned on a platform of change and won. The change was coming and we all knew it. We voted for it!

It is War…those in power under old systems; do not relinquish it peacefully or easily. My faith is in those around me to draw the battle lines, to say this is important to them and therefore should be to me. There is nothing left that the powers at be can take away from me.

Divorce, bankruptcy, student debt…I have lived it all. It cannot be repeated, it cannot be endorsed, it cannot be given one breath of air, and it is criminal! It will die kicking and screaming. I see it in the Republican lies, I see it in the minimum wage, I see it in the pharmaceutical industry, the mass media, you name it and it is there; the materialism, the corporate greed, and the instant gratification that got us into this mess in the first place. It must be vanquished into the annuals of human history. Let us all bring about an end to the dark ages of our times and usher in a global Renaissance as powerful as the enlightenment.

There are daily reminders that the path of our father is now gone. It is the Big Screen TV that sits unutilized and broken in the corner of a friend’s house. It does nothing but take up space. It is the broken flat screen T.V. hanging dark on the wall. The cracked computer monitor that still works but is just broken. Where does the money come from to replace or fix these things? It doesn’t come from hourly work; $9 an hour doesn’t buy anything. It is hard to eat let alone invest or grow anything at what used to be a ‘minimum wage’. There are no salaried jobs, government jobs have so many rules and constraints it is impossible to get an interview. When new jobs open, 700-800 people show up…the past machinery of business is breaking down. It is time for a new way…new principals…and new ideas.

We are all going back to work! It just looks different and I’m looking forward to participating in this change. One system ends and another begins. It is the change we where promised in 2008.

The Dream Transition

I smoked not out of boredom…or habit…or addiction. It was out of a sense of loss. My world had changed…and thus, all my relationship built to this point must also change. No longer am I the K-Market’s clerk. No longer do I have a six block, functioning radius of influence, nor is my life ever going to be the same again. The task at hand is to mobilize, make change, and give hope. This is ballsy, this is hard, this is leadership.

No more can people complain to me that there are no jobs. I have jobs…lots of them. I’m connected into the system again…though it is flawed, it still provides the tools to make change in our society. It is a long road!

However, as I lift the tenth cigarette to my mouth…the Sisters Mountain Range rises to my right. It is as if most of the journey is behind me…Portland is now miles behind us. The immediate future lies ahead of us…it is Bend, it is summer, it is all the great things Central Oregon has to offer. Biking, skiing, floating, girls in thongs…it is a new life. Deschutes County is now my territory…it is mine to lead if my friends, neighbors and extended family choose to follow. That is the hard part.

I must leave a part of myself underneath the florescent green K-Market sign. It is over, it is done but my personal mythology will always run through that damn store. I built from there, I made decisions based on customer comments, it was a grand laboratory. It showed all that is good in the world and all that is equally bad.

A blip of choices made to insure my own survival. That instinct to provide shelter, food, and clothing….it was the only choice I had and I attempted to make the best of it. I only hope I’ve influence people for the better…gave hope…shared information…and provided a positive influence. This is the hard part, I will not know until months, years or decades down the road if anything good has come from the last 18 months of living on minimum wage.

It is not a minimum wage…it is indentured servitude in a capitalistic system. It does not provide for food, clothing and shelter…let alone water, electricity, heat or fun. Hard choices are faced by those who live under the rules, regulations and guidance of our current system. It is a police state bent on impoverishment instead of empowerment…F.D.R., J.F.K., and the other great ‘liberal’ leaders of the 20th century would be appalled with the legacy of Reagan, Bush, and Clinton. The great American society has crumbled through materialism and excess.

The Nightmare and the Beautiful Dream!

The difficulty lies in not what we want to do but in what we all need to do. The conundrum of my generation, how to solve the unsolvable and survive the trauma that comes with hurdling insurmountable odds. Questions abound as the world feeds us nothing but answers…it is no wonder, that as a whole, we are all confused. Where have all the questions gone? It is the insatiable, instability of life that has made us all quake with both fear and anticipation.

The nightmare and the beautiful dream exist as one.

Is it the dawn of a new beginning or the final sunset into oblivion? This is the story…of what will happen. Not what has happened! Do we share? Do we adapt? Do we conquer? Do we all make do with just the basic needs of life?

These are the questions…unfortunately the world is full of apathy and mistrust, which stand as the tools used by the kings and knights of a new order of feudal capitalism. The greed was incessant, the materialism killed the middle class, and credit was their innocuous weapon of choice. The bankers, the politicians, the business leaders all colluded and lied…not only to us but to each other. The truth is perceived as lies because it seems so unbelievable among the chaos. For too long, lies where viewed as truth and credit was viewed as real money. It was a call to arms with a patriotic duty to spend.

How do we all capture that innocence again? To make perceptions change, to invest, to have patience…will it restore faith in certain universal truths.
All I can do is search for the answers to certain unasked questions!

Contracts Be Gone

Freedom…un-encumbered, un-controlled, un-manufactured…It was a taste today. Small but sweet…months of tears, patience, and fortitude got me to this place. The odor smelled of roses, made of gumdrop mountains…and the valley below opened ahead.

So simple, yet such a step…That freedom to communicate to anyone, anywhere. No time constraints or corporate dictates to say “hi” to an old friend today. Two year contracts have gone, I am in control as the numbers sit in my hand. The question I pose, “should I call mom and dad?”

They won’t understand…the world is different now. The future is in my hand...giving me choices and letting me formulate a plan. The old ways are now gone…and my plan is all I have.

Each day I ask myself questions…What does the moment before me hold? Is it freedom or corporate serfdom? Two worlds are in my palm…I must choose. Yet, I already have.

Shifting Ground Below

Reconfigurations, recalculations, and persistence not only create but enlighten the world around us. Trepidation awaits every step…some things, are, shall we say, easy! Each step is taken carefully, with thought and anticipation while looking at the horizon of things to come. It is an unknown because even in those simple steps, the unexpected sometimes emerge from the ground below. And we are all simply, “knocked off our feet”.

Standing at the K-Market, 8 hours a day…sunrise to sunset, I have witnessed it all. The worn faces, the world weary, the idealistic youth, professional go-getters, even the rich and famous, they all come through the doors. It all stands 2 inches below my raised platform of control. Customers talk to me like an old friend, their best bud…30 seconds is what I get with them. The informal, the “Hi! How are you doing today?”…my response…always honest, always sincere, always…totally irrelevant. They smile, they nod and when the register drawer slides shut…they pack their cigarettes, turn to the door, and ignore their 30 seconds of before.

I am a momentary friend…to some, others have evolved into more. That damn store…it has become the seed that is opening future doors. The Ivy League educated, future executive has become no more than a clerk at the neighborhood store. Minimum wage prevails well below the prevailing wages of the past…the basics of life cause grey hairs tonight. Yet with each passing day, I see an end in sight.

It is out there, so I’m standing pat. Harry, Adam, Melanie…they walk in and out…Fred, David, and Josh. Bob, Alex, Kelly…buying their beer and smokes…Travis, Heather, Karen. They are all just there…it is a small sanctuary from their daily chores. To me it is hell…through those damn doors. But it is peace to them and hope is given in their sin.

The monotony of those daily conversations…it is numbing to the soul. One day, I’ll be out of those damn doors! And the future will unfold…as the ground shifts below.